The art of adoption

November 17, 2018 | 3:18 am

Updated November 17, 2018 | 9:50 am

Erin and K.O. Lewis with Eva | Photo by AP Imagery

Erin and K.O. Lewis celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary on Wednesday, Nov. 7, and, for the first time in 10 years, they needed Erin’s mom to watch their little girl so they could go out to dinner and celebrate.

K.O., an administrative intern at Owensboro High School, and Erin, a teacher at Sorgho Elementary School, began working on their nursery during spring break of this year.

“At that time, we were still really focused on having our own baby,” Erin said, adding that “one way or another,” whether it be through adoption, foster care, or their own child, they were going to be prepared for a little one.

Erin said the couple has always wanted children and that she has always wanted to adopt at least one child.

“I was hoping to have one of our own and adopt the second, but it didn’t work out. We focused on our careers for so long, we don’t know if we missed a window, or if there was a window,” Erin said. “We had some friends that adopted and we saw how much love and joy they got from it and we thought we’d try it out.”

The two started the adoption process in June of this year and found out they were approved by the beginning of August. Being an interracial couple, Erin said they were told from the beginning they might match quickly with a minority child because K.O. was African American.

According to the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, “Agencies must address the unique racial and cultural needs of children of color in care, including seeking families who reflect the children’s race and ethnicity, as required by law.”

Erin said that they were matched very quickly with a 2-year-old, but, unfortunately, the situation did not work out.

“We initially said we wanted a child, two or under, that we could raise that wouldn’t remember another life and the trauma from another life,’ Erin said. “The 2-year-old was a learning experience and we quickly discovered that we needed to stick with an infant.”

After taking a short break from searching, there was a “new situation” posted on the adoption listserv with a description of an infant without a photo. The couple was told they had two hours to make their decision, without knowing what the baby looked like, as the case was “time-sensitive,” and other families were submitting profiles that same day.

“We thought we would be matched with a pregnant mother and go to the hospital, but we were matched with a 4-month-old,” Erin said. “One of the reasons that it was so attractive to me, was that the baby was already there. One of my biggest fears was the birth mom seeing the baby’s face and deciding she couldn’t do it.”

After talking it over, Erin and K.O. made the decision to submit their profile — in the midst of art show season. The two have been participating in art shows for the last seven years in order to sell K.O.’s unique style of Afrocentric portrait art. He was the featured artist at the St. James Court Art Show in Louisville the first weekend in October and then went to Tennessee for a show the following weekend. This year, the shows have taken on new meaning.

“The thing with adoption is that it’s so cost prohibitive,” Erin said. “When we first got into it, I was thinking it was probably around $20,000,” adding that the average adoptions she has seen posted have actually been between $30,000 and $50,000.

“This whole art season has been saving for the adoption,” Erin said. “In two shows, we made over a third of the money that we needed. We’re just lucky that K.O. has this talent that we can use for extra income. With both of our salaries [as school employees], we borrowed some, but we would have had to borrow a lot more.”

Erin said the couple had to pay $15,000 just to meet the birth mother and, if she changed her mind, they would have lost $6,000 of that money.

Thankfully, the birth mother did not change her mind, and they were able to meet her in Tennessee, after leaving a day early from the second art show. The couple spent two weeks in Tennessee trying to finalize a state-to-state independent adoption, which Erin said involved a lot of “Fedexed” paperwork and a three business day revocation period for the mother to change her mind.

“That’s the thing about adoption — it’s filling your heart and breaking someone else’s.”

Erin said there was a moment where Eva and her mother were able to have closure and the birth mother said to Erin, “It’s not that I don’t want to do this, it’s just that I never thought that I would have to do this.”

“It’s not that her mother doesn’t love her; she is still very much struggling,” Erin said. “She made this very brave decision.”

The couple took custody of 4-month-old Eva on Oct. 15 and were able to finally bring her home to Owensboro on Oct. 31. Erin said they hope to maintain an open relationship with Eva’s birth mother and keep her as a distant family member.

As far as settling into a new family routine, Erin said “if you don’t have anything to compare it to” then it’s all you know. She said Eva has not been fussy at all, loves to entertain herself and only gets up about once a night.

Erin is currently taking FMLA leave to spend time with Eva and plans to return back to school after Thanksgiving Break. She said that she still wants to have plenty of days available for the future in case they eventually have or adopt a second child.

When it comes to K.O.’s role as a dad, Erin said, “he just jumps right in.”

“When he gets home, he takes over,” she said. “He’s the one that gives her her last bottle and puts her to bed.”

Since K.O.’s artwork has been a big piece of Eva’s life already, the question was raised if this little girl might begin to influence some his art.

“I think having a daughter now might help him focus a little more on iconic women,” Erin said. “She is a person of color and a woman. Anything he can do to celebrate her and who she is is going to be important to both of us really.”

November 17, 2018 | 3:18 am

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