Xena Heflin is a lot of things and, now, a college graduate is one of them. On Wednesday, Heflin walked in the graduation ceremony at Owensboro Community and Technical College as a first-generation college student with distinguished honors.
“I’m excited. I’m very proud. It was hard,” Heflin said. “But anything worth having is supposed to be a challenge. It’s [the hard times] actually made me the person I am today.”
Heflin, 22, is a survivor of domestic mental and physical abuse, and a year-long abusive relationship that almost caused her to give up on her dreams when she was only 17 years old. For a while, Heflin wasn’t open about sharing her story, but she now feels her message could help others who are currently, or have been, in her situation.
“I started college at 17, and I was seeing a guy quite a bit older than me. He was from Butler County,” Heflin said. “He kept me away from my family, my friends and school. I was working two jobs, and the money went to him.”
Heflin said she was gaslighted and manipulated by the man she was dating, aside from the physical abuse she suffered as well. Drugs weren’t involved, she said. He was driven by controlling and manipulating her into feeling bad about herself and giving him what he wanted.
“After a while, I could not go to school, I could not go to work without being called names by him,” Heflin said. “I had no cell phone signal where we lived. He took my keys away. I was stuck there.”
One day, Heflin went to her parents’ house and decided to never go back to the man who was trying to control so much of her life.
“I called my mom, and I just cried. I went home and stayed home,” Heflin said. “I got back in school, which was very hard because I’d failed out because of him.”
Financial aid wouldn’t cover Heflin for school because of her previous grades, so Heflin decided to file an SAP appeal through OCTC.
“I told them about the relationship, that I wouldn’t let them down, that my daughter was depending on me,” Heflin said.
Along with the other obstacles Heflin overcame in order to get her degree, being a single mother made the process a little more difficult as well. However, Heflin said her family and boyfriend have offered so much support during her journey to graduation, she’s had plenty of people to help her in the balancing act of raising her daughter and passing her classes. Heflin credits her daughter for helping her push through the assignments and hardships to make it to where she is now.
Heflin was accepted into the Madisonville Physical Therapists Assistant program, which is highly competitive and requires an in-depth interview process before acceptance.
“We did mock interviews with her for her big day, so she could really shine at Madisonville,” said Mary Bruner, Administrative Assistant with the TRIO program at OCTC, of which Heflin is a very active member, according to Bruner.
“TRIO Student Services is a federally funded grant program that helps students with disabilities, those who come from low-income families and first-generation college students, which means neither parent earned a four-year degree,” Bruner said. “We provide services like tutoring and counseling to help students succeed in earning their college degree and, hopefully, transferring afterward.”
Bruner said Heflin has come to TRIO administration often, asking for help in her process to graduation.
“Her drive is to help her daughter. Xena is focused and very driven,” Bruner said. “She didn’t let her struggles define her — she overcame them.”
After graduating from the PTA program, Heflin plans to attend Western Kentucky University and earn her Master’s degree in Healthcare Administration.
While she’s moving forward with her life in the best of ways, Heflin hasn’t forgotten about the events that lead her to a life that Bruner calls “one of our success stories.”
“I’m a member of Take A Stand-Owensboro, which focuses on domestic violence victims,” Heflin said. “If I can help just one person with my story, that’s amazing.”
