November is National Adoption Month. In part three of an Owensboro Times feature on local adoption, learn about the Smith-Rouse family and their journey to build a family.
Antoine’s Story
When he was 20 years old, Antoine Smith-Rouse worked in Columbia, Ky. and started the Autism Awareness Foundation. Through this foundation, he was asked to teach private classes on Autism to various foster agencies. He began thinking about his reach and looked into fostering children. At age 21, the legal age to foster, Antoine was asked to foster an 18-year-old boy — “just for one night” — because the child had disrupted the home he was in and no one else could take him.
“It was what he needed at the time,” Antoine said.
So he did…and his foster child stayed. And Antoine accepted another foster child, a 16-year-old boy, two weeks later.
Public perception of fostering relationships like these is a focus of Antoine’s. He recognizes that there is difficulty in fostering, but also says that awareness equals acceptance, something that has followed him down his path of fostering and adopting. In every fostering relationship, Antoine believes that the child has the right to decide what will be answered when people ask their relationship.
“‘What are we to you?’ is what we decide,” Antoine said. “It could be dad, uncle, friend — anything.”
And each relationship with a foster is different. Once Antoine was immersed in foster care, he had to decide what type of foster care he would provide. His goal was to have as little placement as possible for the children he would foster.
“Return to the parent is what most want, if that is possible,” Antoine said. “Adoption is the second and remaining in foster homes until aging out is the third.”
Antoine is currently an advocate at Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) and has foster care and adoption facts at his fingertips. In Kentucky, 2,693 children are foster children with the goal of adoption. Of these, only 282 are in an adoptive home. The staggering difference is not lost on Antoine who advocates for these children and others through his job.
Antoine meets Jeremiah
In 2015 Antoine met Jeremiah. Antoine was fostering another child at the time and interviewing to become a flight attendant. Jeremiah was a working, single dad.
Jeremiah’s mother died when he was five and he was raised by his grandmother who had a “come on in” attitude.
“She strived to help people who were down on their luck, even though we were poor,” Jeremiah said.
At 19, Jeremiah had a friend who left her 17-year-old son on his doorstep, which was the best decision to be made for the child, according to Jeremiah.
“I guess I have a need to take care of people,” Jeremiah said.
Later, after having a daughter, Genesis, Jeremiah accepted his role as sole caregiver when she was 2 years old.
As his relationship progressed with Jeremiah, Antoine knew that to continue his job as a flight attendant, he would need help caring the foster child under his care at that time. This child was medically complex, a designation given by the foster care agency.
“So I went through the training,” Jeremiah said of the certification to foster and care for a medically complex foster child, which requires 36 hours of training annually.
Antoine and Jeremiah meet Sinny
For a few, short months after the two married on April 8, 2017, it was just the two of them and Genesis, as the foster child moved from their home. That changed when Antoine received a call from their foster agency about a child in Louisville who needed placement. The call was from a therapist who was familiar with the Smith-Rouse family and knew their training for a medically complex child made them a good fit.
The Smith-Rouses wanted to foster a baby with the intent to adopt — and Sinny entered their world.
Both parents believe in pre-placement visits, and they stress the importance of this not only for the parents but the child as well. Often times when receiving referrals for children, very little is known. Medical issues can be glossed over or unintentionally not mentioned, according to both dads.
“I knew something was off because it said she was one-and-a-half years old but only weighed 12 pounds,” Jeremiah said.
They accepted the referral and hoped to be Sinny’s forever home. Jeremiah quit his job because one of the requirements of her medical needs was that one parent would be home.
They started traveling to Louisville to have visits with Sinny, who at 18 months old had already been in two foster homes.
“The second time [we visited], she cried and didn’t want us to leave,” Antoine said.
Returning home, they did research about Sinny’s congenital disorder, Caudal Regression Syndrome, a disorder that impairs the development of the lower half of the body.
Sinny came to stay with them for a week and a half as part of the pre-placement visits and was an immediate fit into the family dynamic, according to Antoine and Jeremiah.
“She was sassy and funny — full of life and very charming,” said Jeremiah.
They received a 17-year old foster child on May 4, 2017, and Sinny on May 12 of the same year, followed by a third child in September.
The Smith-Rouses are in the process of adopting another one of their foster children, and they hope to have it finalized by the end of the year.
“So many children in care struggle with fitting in, feeling loved or managing their emotions,” Jeremiah said. “All [of our beds] are full except the crib, and I would love to see that one crib filled, too.”
Fostering Family
In six years, including the time they were not together, the Smith-Rouses have fostered 17 children. These children have statuses that have varied from return to parent, to aging out and two have have been adopted by other families.
“Every goal is to return [the child] to the parent; it is less traumatic on the child,” Antoine said. “Most of the time, [the reason they have been removed] is because of the drug crisis, but studies show that it’s better [to be with a parent] on a permanent basis.”
All of their children, as they refer to them, have been in their home greater than a year and both parents refer to themselves as a resource parent.
“It’s important to know your role — to be a parent — to build a relationship,” Jeremiah said.
Both dads are extremely involved in the care of the children and the conversations they have with the children, both together and separately. They agree that everyone has their own unique personality as well.
“We have a great time and great conversations,” Jeremiah said. “We tell them it is OK to have a bad day or a good day, and they also know it’s OK to want to hug their sibling one minute, and in the next, thump them.”
According to Antoine, children are moved an average of three times. This can cause them to be very reactive and possessive of things that could be taken for granted. The Smith-Rouses provided the example of a foster child who was unexpectedly moved and had to leave behind a pizza he had purchased with his own money.
“That child still talks about that pizza still to this day — well over a year later,” Jeremiah said.
Sinny is very aware of her parents and her lifestyle. When Antoine was reading a book that had been given to Sinny by an aunt about two dads adopting a child, Antoine asked Sinny, now 3 years old, if she knew anyone else who had been adopted. She answered no.
“Then where did you come from?” Antoine asked.
“Sinny’s answer was ‘Wal-Mart,’” Antoine said.
Sinny believes good things come from Wal-Mart and often asks to go there where she is treated like a celebrity by employees and customers waving.
Both parents said there are more ways to help than to be a foster parent. Kinship care is on the rise, which is when a relative takes custody for a child. There is no training provided for this type of fostering and there isn’t financial support, according to Antoine.
According to CASA, a child is in foster care for an average of 630 days. The Smith-Rouses are doing what they can to help.
“Someone else’s misfortune led them to us,” Jeremiah said.
Antoine echos that same sentiment, making sure they are not labeled heroes.
“We are not heroes,” Antoine said. “They are not lucky to be in our home. We are lucky to have them in our home.”
