Growing up in a small town outside of Louisville, Kentucky, was a major adjustment for my family and me. Although it was done to create a safer environment, away from gangs, and meant to be a better life, it was far different than that.
We grew up poor, Mom worked two jobs, my father never worked, and our household was very dysfunctional — all while living in a small run-down, falling-apart trailer.
My mother taught me the importance of appreciating what you have, helping others, and feeding others, as well as how to treat people and how to be a man.
My father wasn’t involved much outside of watching TV, never told me he was proud of me, never told me drugs were bad, and never protected me from adult situations and conversations. He condoned me for doing things that could get me in trouble, hurt me, and become addictive — and used it to his benefit. Dad wanted to be a friend not a partner, but even with that approach, he couldn’t protect me from himself and all the verbal and emotional abuse.
Living in an environment with abuse, severe poverty, sexual abuse (cousin), drugs, smoking, underage drinking, being used as a tool by our parents during their divorce, and two suicides, you can easily see how such traumas and experiences can influence and shape a person’s life.
There was a time when a man by the name of Eddie, who was experiencing homelessness and a chronic alcoholic, would come to our house for help. As a child, I can remember thinking, “Why is this guy who’s dirty and drunk always coming to our house and sleeping on our couch?” I remember vividly my mother telling me, “As long as we have a roof over our heads, we can help someone who doesn’t. Remember that he is someone’s someone.”
This sparked another question for my mother, “Mom why do you let all the neighborhood kids come in and eat up our food?” Her reply hits home with me today, as she said, “Because if we have food in this house, we will never let someone go hungry, remember they are someone’s someone.”
We all have a “someone” who has experienced homelessness, been at risk due to mental health or addiction, suffered childhood trauma, suffered adulthood trauma, lost a job, been irresponsible, or been subject to generational life patterns. The reality is that everyone that you see on the streets, in shelters, and in rehab, is someone’s someone. They have just had an experience in life that has influenced and led to their current situation whether in a facility or on the streets.
The stark reality is people are complex beings. Our thinking and behaviors arise from our surrounding environment, family, and childhood experiences as we grow and learn. It’s amazing how something dysfunctional can become comforting but it does so over time. It becomes your life, you learn to function within the dysfunction, and every interpersonal relationship and nuclear family becomes normal and acceptable, regardless of the dysfunction. They merely need healing, love, direction, patience, understanding, and tolerance from their peers — us.
After all, they are our brothers, sisters, uncles, friends, cousins, fathers, mothers, grandfathers, and grandmothers. Why do we feel the need to stereotype or place stigmas on top of an already delicate person? How can we not see through our own biases and prejudices, that those we don’t understand are someone’s someone. These are human beings and only experiencing homelessness due to factors they are or aren’t currently aware of. It shouldn’t matter what their housing status is.
The people we serve at Daniel Pitino Shelter and St. Benedict’s Shelter are experiencing homelessness because of some of the same cycles and barriers. Some need internal healing from abuse, trauma, dysfunctional families, drugs and alcohol, mental health issues, lack of knowing, or being stuck in a generational barrier. A generational barrier is hard to break, as it requires the most change, which can feel as if you’re turning your back on your family and/or can feel wrong in their minds. It’s like realizing everything you thought to be true is wrong and it just doesn’t make sense.
This is why we exist in our community. This is why I have dedicated the last 13 years of my life to helping others and spent 8 years in college to better understand mental health, substance abuse, and human behavior. If I can overcome my adverse childhood experiences, addictions, and traumas to navigate my barriers to self-sufficiency, then so can others. It takes safety, love, hope, and understanding to develop enough self-determination that will provide the strength to overcome such barriers and experiences.
It is impossible for a person to change what needs to be changed if they’re on the streets in constant fight-or-flight mode. We provide an opportunity for them to feel safe and embark on that self-healing journey. So, with homelessness as complex as it is, what can you do to aid someone’s someone? Can you see how easily this can happen years before the experience? Can we see people as someone’s someone? Will you join in the fight by partnering with an agency as a person, volunteer, donor, and/or company? Do you see the solutions are found in healing, housing, and hope?
Written by
Harry Pedigo MSSW, MHFAI, ECNM
Executive Director
St. Benedict’s/Daniel Pitino Shelters
